Hurt can come against you in so many ways and for so many reasons.  There were many events that were out of my control as a child and teenager which led to destructive relationships as a young adult.  I happened across this forgiveness technique in my early 20’s and without it I would have continued to limit my potential.  I look at myself now in my mid 40’s and even though I don’t really relate emotionally to that ‘younger lady’ – I am actually pleased to have experienced the hurt I did; as I had the opportunity at a young age to be exposed to this forgiveness idea.  Once I understood the art of forgiveness I was able to ‘fit’ the events into my life for positive well-being.

Do you know the only person you can really work with is yourself?  

It is our own personal responsibility to choose to forgive, as ultimately WE are the ones that are left with the hurt which is damaging to our self esteem.  A person, or series of events that have left a sore wound in your heart can only be healed in ourselves.   Each time you get welled up with emotion for what has been ‘wrongly done’ to you remind yourself

• You can not change what happened
• You do not have the ability to turn back time
• There is a choice of how you can face the next minute and each challenge that crops up in the future.

I personally find nipping it in the butt with forgiveness as soon as possible is by far the best. 

Now none of us are perfect; we will all make mistakes and you can’t force others to forgive or apologise.  For this reason I find the best place to start with forgiveness is with yourself  for whatever hurt YOU have caused – Ouch! ….

A great exercise for forgiving hurt is this; whip out a piece of paper (or better still your journal so your growth content is kept in one place) and answer privately to yourself… Have you in turn hurt someone else because you are hurting? I want you to date, time and write a letter of apology for hurt you have done to others – it may even be hurt you have done to yourself with negative put downs racing around in your head.   Please understand this first – if you have hurt, even though the behaviour is wrong, YOU are not wrong and forgiving yourself is going to help clean your slate.  Don’t be fooled that you won’t hurt again – I’m no saint either, sometimes I’m really rude to Si or the kids but I remind myself after apologising for my mistake – that I made a “miss take” on what perhaps was a better option! We will always fall over – but the difference is, some of us stand up and try again and forgive… even if you need to forgive yourself.  You can be one of those.

Once you have completed your list it is now time to be THANKFUL.  Take a look  for the good in every strange and horrible event of rejection, physical and emotional pain or whatever it was that happened into your life.  Without these events you would not be the amazing person you are today.  You may not have the ability to give guidance or empathy to offer others if you had not had your own personal experiences that have shaped you.  Forgive those that hurt you, forgive yourself for hurting others and say sorry to yourself for inflicting negative pain of deep hurt within. Make a promise to yourself to be kinder as the days go on.  You will feel so much better when you do!

Keep loving yourself

Maria